Unlock the Insights That Changed My Life
Each week, I share a glimpse of my ideas and perspectives on life in short 5-minute emails. But there’s so much more depth to explore.
Why do we act?
Let’s take a detour.
We put unconditional love on a pedestal.
The Bible glorifies God for loving us unconditionally. No matter what we do.
We encourage parents to love their kids the same way.
And for us to love our partners without having “reason”.
And it’s put on that pedestal because there’s a beauty to it. To love something regardless of the outcome.
But more importantly, it’s functional.
It provides stability. That in itself is what makes religion so appealing - to be loved by an entity, no matter what the outcome of your actions is.
Do good - you’re loved.
Fuck up - still loved.
It’s also why the absence of it can be so devastating - if your parents love you only if you succeed, or do the things that they want you to do, it can feel like shit. Growing up in that environment can lead you to feeling pretty insecure.
However, the presence of unconditional love gives you stability.
So - why do we act (and why the fuck are you on about love?)
We often align our actions with drivers or outcomes.
We rely on extrinsic motivators to fuel our actions.
Conditions, to be more precise.
We wait for the right conditions to act -
The right circumstances. The right consequences.
“I’m going to the gym to get fit for my vacation”
“I’m going to work extra hard to get a promotion”
However, that creates a very unstable petri-dish for sustainable life.
If what we rely on is ‘the perfect conditions’ to fuel our actions, what then happens in times of peace and calm?
I’ll tell you what happens -
We retract, we get lazy, we “cut ourselves some slack because we exhausted ourselves from the sprint to the finish line”.
Thereby completely derailing any progress we made in the bargain.
A much more sustainable approach to doing anything you want to be successful with in life is:
Do the thing…
Not because of…
Not despite of…
But regardless of anything.
Do it when you’re happy.
Do it when you’re sad.
Do it when you’re energized.
Do it when you're tired.
Not because you will gain some amazing reward at the finish line.
Not because you waited till you had no other choice.
But because you enjoy doing the thing in the first place.
Side note
Drawing this parallel between love and action also got me to think about WHY it is even possible to draw this parallel. It is because love and action are the very same thing. Love cannot exist without action, and action without love.
Unconditional action and unconditional love go hand in hand.
You show up for yourself consistently when you love yourself unconditionally.
You show up for your family fully when you love them unconditionally.
You show up for your work deeply when you're connected to it through deep meaning, not just deadlines and metrics.
And it takes me back to one of my favourite “Brain Tattoos” - Love is a verb.
Signing off -
Dec
(Have an unconditionally amazing day!)
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Currently Consuming:
Pods
Books
James Clear’s “Atomic Habits”
Mitch Albom’s “Tuesdays with Morrie” (Trying our fiction for this first time in more than a decade)
Drew E Whitman’s “Ca$hvertising”
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