We’re sabotaging our relationships
With ourselves / 3 min read
Unlock the Insights That Changed My Life
Each week, I share a glimpse of my ideas and perspectives on life in short 5-minute emails. But there’s so much more depth to explore.
Picture this.
You make plans with a friend.
Dinner, Friday night. They say yes — but cancel last minute.
You brush it off. Say it’s fine.
But you’re annoyed. Maybe even a little hurt.
They’ve done this before.
So you start acting a bit colder. A little distant.
You know why — they don’t.
And because you know why, it feels justified.
Until one day, they confront you… and it all spills out.
It gets messy. Defensive. Emotional.
And the friendship takes a hit.
This dynamic plays out constantly in our social lives.
But where it shows up most often — and most destructively — is within us.
We’re in a silent, passive-aggressive war with ourselves.
We set goals.
Make New Year’s resolutions.
Promise we’ll hit the gym.
Quit smoking.
Be more disciplined.
Wake up earlier.
Stop scrolling.
But when we fall short — we rarely meet ourselves with compassion or curiosity.
Instead, we hold it against ourselves.
We beat ourselves up.
We get passive. Resentful. Quietly bitter.
Not at others.
At ourselves.
And because we never have that honest internal conversation,
because we don’t admit to ourselves why we’re struggling,
we never process the disappointment.
We just… give up.
The silent treatment we give ourselves is the slowest form of self-sabotage.
Unspoken frustration turns into apathy.
Unmet expectations become self-doubt.
And the worst part?
It’s all happening under the surface.
No wonder we feel stuck.
You can’t grow if you’re too busy resenting the person in the mirror.
Here’s the antidote:
Instead of judging your failure, interrogate it.
Get curious. Ask why.
What’s getting in the way?
Is the goal unrealistic right now?
Do I actually want this — or do I just feel like I should?
It’s not weakness to re-evaluate.
It’s wisdom.
The goal isn’t to be perfect.
It’s to stay in dialogue with yourself.
Because a friendship with yourself is still a relationship.
And it needs the same thing any other relationship does:
Honesty. Compassion. Patience.
You can’t fix what you won’t face.
And you can’t grow if you’re at war with yourself.
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Currently Consuming:
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Ryan Holiday’s “The Obstacle Is The Way
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